WTF having to pee and being thirsty

Sorry for the over share, but right now, I REALLY have to pee. And I am REALLY thirsty. And I can’t pee because I can’t stop going to class after class after class. And I can’t drink because I have to pee.

WTF Hulk Hogan Sex Tape

So apparently a Hulk Hogan sex tape with (maybe) his bestie’s ex-wife was casually leaked and people are getting hot and bothered about it. Uhh, why?

His moustache makes it look like his nose is leaking. He shares a name with a man who turns green when angry and still manages to be the Hulk we’d be less willing to bang.

Image

But let us address the real issues here:

1. Does he or does he not keep the bandana during sex? Does he change it into a red lace bandana to set the mood for sexy-time?

2. You are Hulk Hogan. Despite being a proud member of the HOLY FUGLY club, some women are still desperate enough willing to sleep with you for fame, money or because they have a weird bleached asian hair fetish. Why would you go for the woman your BFF rejected? Fugly people stick together, so I assume your bro is maximum a 4. And he is not a rich, famous, non-green Hulk. And his ex-wife must be fugly too. If you’re gonna do a sex tape, do it with Scarlett Johansson please.

3. How did we find out about this?

Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

WTF Fall Fashion

I don’t follow fashion much. But from what I have read during my extensive research (aka: this article. And some of this article) on this Fall’s fashion trends, to be stylish this fall you should dress like a boy. In hand me downs. From your older brother. Who is casually also a biker/Catwoman/Charlie’s Angel. Then, throw on some chunky knitted accessories and you are good to go!

OR, try dressing like the hunter from Snow White:

Oversized jacket? Check. Stylish hat? Check. Gloves? Check. Tights? Check. Ankle booties? You can’t see it here, but trust me: Check! BONUS: His hair is a super stylish bob!

I guess I will stay out of fashion for now. Except I quite like the ankle booties.

What are some fashion trends YOU hate?

Love Literally

In yesterday’s post, we showed some hate for the word “literally” (when used in the wrong context). Today we want to show that word some looove!

Even though it ranks as THE most annoying misused word, every time I say it I sound sorta British, and those people are fucking classy.

And here is a picture of Rygos, because (1) he is also classy as fuck and (2) why the hell not?

I wouldn’t mind if HE said literally in the wrong context. But he wouldn’t. He is too perfect.

Pet Peeves: Words Used in the Wrong Context

I do not claim to have perfect vocabulary. I make mistakes all the time. I swear a lot (which I don’t see a problem with, but some people do. Fuck them).

But some people want to sound smart and/or witty and always use these words/expressions in the wrong context:

Literally: it does not mean “totally”. It is the opposite of “figuratively”. If you say you literally fell off your chair from laughter, that means you were laughing so hard that you could not control your fucking body and fell from the chair you were sitting on, ONTO THE FUCKING FLOOR.

Ironic: e.g.: Alanis Morissette’s song Ironic. Nothing about its lyrics is ironic (which I guess makes it ironic on some level. Huh).

To beg the question: this does NOT mean to raise a question. It is a kind of logical fallacy in which a statement or claim is assumed to be true without evidence other than the statement or claim itself. How do I know this? Simple, I read this mug (and I only use words whose meaning I am sure of):

Example 1: I am pretty because I am beautiful. Example 2: Christianity.

This begs the question: what are some other words that literally piss YOU off when people get them wrong?

Ha! Now that was ironic!

Pet Peeves: Little Windshield Triangle

Outside, it looks like it is about to rain. And that means I will need to use the windshield wiper. And that means that the little triangle the windshield wipers can’t reach will become painfully visible. And that drives me crazy! If I was a car-parts-inventor-person, I would dedicate my career to more thorough windshield wiping.

Dear Windshield Wipers, Can’t touch this. Sincerely, That Little Triangle.

What are some of YOUR pet peeves?

Eye Exam Rant

I have taken my fair share of tests in my life, including, but not limited to:

1) Elementary school speed tests: a ridiculous test our math teacher made us take every Friday, the point of which was to solve random mathematical equations as fast as possible. I can’t remember finishing one of those

2) Back-to-back finals in University, meaning 6 hours of answering painfully vague questions and praying the professor agrees with something you said.

3) Personality quizzes which, I am convinced, tell you what kind of person you would like to be, more than what kind of person you are. Come on! Admit it! You always picked the answer you found was more sensible…

But none of those could compare, in degree of difficulty, to eye exams.

Eye Exam In English Please

It goes something like this:

– Is THIS better or THAT?

– Hmm I don’t know

– Come on now, let me show you again. 1 or 2?

At this point we are almost always forced to lie and pick one of the choices. I usually pick 2. I will never know for sure if the glasses I am prescribed are actually optimal for my condition.

Read the fourth line please, says the doctor. Damn it, I think to myself, Is that an O or a D? Maybe its a Q? And although I know it is ok to get the answer wrong, I have the urge to get it right. I KNOW HOW TO READ OK? I just don’t have bionic eyes.

Finally, there is the little green light you stare at, waiting for the moment the doctor will push the button that will cause wind to blow into your eyes and give you a small heart attack. This is supposed to determine your ocular pressure or something. I think it’s a device invented by optometrists to make their lives more fun at our expense.

How are YOUR experiences with eye doctors/exams?

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