WTF Hulk Hogan Sex Tape

So apparently a Hulk Hogan sex tape with (maybe) his bestie’s ex-wife was casually leaked and people are getting hot and bothered about it. Uhh, why?

His moustache makes it look like his nose is leaking. He shares a name with a man who turns green when angry and still manages to be the Hulk we’d be less willing to bang.

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But let us address the real issues here:

1. Does he or does he not keep the bandana during sex? Does he change it into a red lace bandana to set the mood for sexy-time?

2. You are Hulk Hogan. Despite being a proud member of the HOLY FUGLY club, some women are still desperate enough willing to sleep with you for fame, money or because they have a weird bleached asian hair fetish. Why would you go for the woman your BFF rejected? Fugly people stick together, so I assume your bro is maximum a 4. And he is not a rich, famous, non-green Hulk. And his ex-wife must be fugly too. If you’re gonna do a sex tape, do it with Scarlett Johansson please.

3. How did we find out about this?

Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

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Britney Spears Retro-Rant

Ok, so Britney is not really retro. And not really pretty, or talented (in a Jimmy Hendrix, Eric Clapton, John Lennon kind of way).

<img src="pic.gif" alt="Britney Spears Not Talented">

And judging by the fact that James Franco’s arm was stuck in a rock for longer than she was married to Jason Allen Alexander (the dude she married in Vegas), she is not really classy either (except for the fact that her name starts with Brit, and those people are classy as fuck).

<img src="pic.gif" alt="127 hours poster">

VS

<img src="gif.gif" alt="Britney Spears Vegas Wedding">

But dissing Brit is way too easy and overdone.

So I want to say that, no matter what, if “Oops I Did it Again” or “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll” comes on, I will get up, dance and belt out the lyrics. And that’s gotta count for something.

Jelena Ristic Rant – Some Love for the Djoker

For those of you who have the pleasure of not knowing her, Jelena is tennis hottie Novak Djokovic’s girlfriend. For those who don’t know who Novak is, fuck you!

But I will say this: he is so cute he makes babies and puppies look like hemorrhoids. I will spare you the pain of having to look at a picture of hemorrhoids. So here is a pic of Djokovic with a dolphin:

But back to Jelena. There will be no pics of her. I hate her. Not only did she take my man, but what kind of name is Jelena? Sounds like a name for teen pseudo-celebrities Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez after they started dating and, as all celeb couples do, morphed into a blob.

That’s really all I can say about Jelena. I don’t spend time googling her. She makes me sick and I like to pretend I live in a universe where she doesn’t exist.

Who are YOUR celebrity crushes? Do they have significant others you mindlessly hate?

Royal Family Jewels

Normally, we are all for complaining. But frankly, we don’t see anything wrong with some members of the Royal Family exposing some body parts that normally shouldn’t be seen: Kate’s boobies, Prince Harry’s everything, Prince William’s bald spot, etc. Those are the hot royals you wanna get with.

Start worrying when fugly royal mother-son duo Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth start showing their badonkadonks.

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What other Royal’s jewels would YOU love (or hate) to see?

Delusional Adele Rant

Adele is a delusional pyromaniac stalker. She just goes around following people and invading their homes like “Hey, waddup? I know you are fucking married but I thought I would try my luck anyways”. Fucking home wrecker. Then when she figures out this dude wants nothing to do with her (FUCKING DUH) she starts running around chasing inanimate objects (i.e. pavements) and lighting shit on fire. Like rain. Dafuq. Not only does she claim to successfully set rain on fire, but she is such a fucking pro that she presumably does it with just one hand, since the other is being used to touch my face.

But kudos to her for losing weight and becoming fucking rich and famous:

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